This Week on Punk’d: Republican Senator Mel Martinez

Retiring from politics in 2010 at the ripe age of 62, Mel Martinez (R-FL), who won his seat by a very small margin in 2004, will thereby avoid a very tough bid for re-election. Martinez’s policy positions closely mimic those of current President George Bush who at the time of the 2008 election had a 9% approval rating in Florida. Nine percent does seem a little high to us, but then again is it really that surprising after how wonderfully the war in Iraq has gone combined with the thought of what the Social Security situation in Florida would be like if Bush had been successful in privatizing it? Well one thing is for sure, apparently Martinez is the only Republican in Florida that understands that scandalous activity and even a minor connection to George Bush is devastating enough to derail almost anyone’s political career. And so, gracefully and dutifully, he won’t seek re-election in 2010.

Wonder what Martinez is thinking now that CNN is reporting that Republicans are URGING former Florida Gov. Jeb “I’ll have to change my name to win” Bush to run for his vacated seat. Probably something along the lines of, “Am I being Punk’d? Ashton Kutcher, you bastard, where are the cameras? Jeb Bush, really? Haha, you got me good, you SOB!”

To his credit, Jeb has definitely been the least directly harmful Bush in politics. Among the very worst things he did as Gov of Florida was to slash a ton of funding for pubic libraries and after school programs and support the pro-life request for Teri Schiavo to be kept ‘alive’ on life support. He actually left office in 2006 with…

Now What!?

In case you didn’t catch the news last night or today, Democratic Presidential nominee Barack Obama is now President Elect Barack Obama. Mission accomplished, right? Now it’s time to move forward, because there’s a steaming pile waiting to greet him at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue.

(Reasonable) McCain supporters: You voted for a candidate and he lost. I’m sure you have your reasons and I respect that, even though I disagree with you. Maybe you have a certain level of income that could be threatened under an Obama administration, you are adamantly opposed to abortion, or you support the war in Iraq. I can’t identify, but once again, I have to respect your opinions and political stance.

[Un(Reasonable)] McCain supporters: You can’t even begin to fathom how 52% of America voted for a socialist with no record or experience; they must have been either tricked by his empty promises or have felt like it was the politically correct thing to do. I’ve seen posts all over the place with people saying that Obama is not their president, or they’ll never recognize Obama as president (kind of like how terrorist organizations refuse to recognize Israel’s existence despite the obvious reality). Hopefully, you will calm down and realize that Obama is in fact pro-America and deeply cares for all of her citizens. People are expecting some level of extreme leftism out of Obama, but I really feel like he’s going to be more left-center. He may disappoint conservatives for being too liberal, but he will also disappoint liberals for not being liberal enough.

Whether you agree with Barack Obama or not, you cannot deny the fact that he succeeded in inspiring millions…